This is your cat on pot. She knows you know. You know she knows. She sits around all day. Lounges on the large sofa while the humans are away. The female-human gets home before the male-human. The female-human speaks a greeting in warm-French to the alpha-kitty. She stands on the couch, stretching her back for the female-human to pet. The female-human makes soft, guttural cat sounds and sticks out her pinky-finger. The kitty rubs her cheeks against the finger. The female-human makes more noises. The cat flops on her back to be petted more. The beta-kitty comes out, a tabby/Siamese/once feral kitty, and rubs against the female-human’s legs and meows at her. The beta-kitty speaks in syllables and long sentences. She only wants to be petted a few times. She follows the female-human to her desk where the female-human sits and looks at the monitor. The beta-kitty jumps up in her lap and stands rubbing herself against the female-human while looking at the older, alpha-kitty, sitting on the couch, looking back at the beta-kitty with injustice. The beta-kitty is proud and only wants five or six pets and then jumps down, meows more, telling the female-human about her day.
The alpha-kitty knows when the human-male comes home. She hears the footsteps on the wooden floor and stands on the edge of the couch, closest to the door. When he comes through the door, she looks up at him with planned big-coquettish eyes, and quietly meows. He takes his big hand, almost half the size of the alpha-kitty’s body, and rubs from shoulders to tail. He pets the aplha-kitty’s tail bone/butt. The kitty clitoris. She puts her head down and ass up before she hears the human-female talk to the human-male. He leaves the kitty there, with her ass in the air. She lays back down on the large sofa cushion, watching them, planning her next seduction.
The alpha-kitty knows he’ll be back to the couch. She knows there will be the familiar smell. She knows where to lay so the familiar smell will whiff into her nose. Other than the female-human, the male-human was her favorite because he had such large hands. He did not feed the kitty as much, except when he made Tuna Fish sandwiches. The kitties would run in the kitchen and look so sad and yearning. The alpha-kitty would moan gutturally. He had to feed the kitties then. The alpha-kitty had more game and seduction than most human. She had the male-human in the palm of her paw.
The male-human grabs his water-pipe and Tupperware container, and sits on the couch. The kitty comes over and he softly pets her head. He loads a green substance from the Tupperware container in the water-pipe. The alpha-kitty looks sideways at the male-human. She wants to be petted, but looks curiously at the water-pipe between his legs. She sniffs at the green substance in the bowl. The human starts to burn the green substance. The kitty walks to the other edge of the couch, and lays her body out, long and luxuriously. Smoke is blown from the male-human’s mouth, straight at the other wall. The smoke hits the wall and circles to the left. The smoke shows in the sun as it circles back, right in the direction of the alpha-kitty sitting on the corner of the couch. The smoke comes by and the alpha-kitty wrinkles her nose at it, sniffing it.
The male-human says something to the female-human. They laugh. She sits on the couch and smokes. The words they are speaking start to make sense to the alpha-kitty.
“You see that. Look at her. She a little fiend.” The male-human said. “She knows exactly where to sit.”
“Oh, Misha.” The female-human said, sweetly, “My little stoner-kitty.”
Another cloud comes by the kitty, heading for the window.
“Look at her, sniffing at it.” He said.
She sniffs at the cloud before looking expectantly at the humans next to her on the couch. She stands and slowly walks onto the lap of the female-human. The female-human is trying to light the water-pipe. The kitty stands in her way.
“Misha, lookout, come on, come on.”
The female-human holds the water-pipe over the kitty, and smokes. The kitty steps off her lap, and falls against the male-human’s thigh. He takes his hand and starts petting her. She is surrounded by humans and smoke and rubbing her head against his knee when she looks over at the female-human with big expectant eyes.
“Look at her, the little hedonist. She’s looking at you, like, ‘you could be petting me too.’”
The female-human looked down at the alpha-kitty lovingly, and petted her head, “Oh, my little cutie.”
The male-human continues rubbing the alpha-kitty’s body. He laughs, “A little ménage-a-kitty”
They both pet the alpha-kitty. The female-human petting her head, and the male-human rubbing her body. They both stop at the same time, and laugh at the TV. The alpha-kitty looks up at them both with a look of ‘why’d you stop?’ And the male-human starts petting the kitty, as she lays against his thigh.
The female-human gets up, and grabs lotion from her desk. She rubs it on her hands.
“My hands are like raw. Do you want any lotion?”
“Nah, I’m all lubed up from this weekend.” He says.
“All lubed up.” She laughs, “You make it sound dirty.”
“Well, that’s what I call it. On the weekends I have the time to put on a bunch of cream and get lubed up. It’s all I need.” He laughs, still petting the alpha-kitty. “You know, how I always talk about how my hand is so large compared to Misha that it’s like getting a massage from a giant, and how that in the future they should genetically alter humans so they can be giants or have super giant hands, like a race of genetically modified masseuses.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s true. There are giants, and I get massages from them.”
“Really?” She smiles.
“Yeah, and like part of the deal is I get all lubed up, and then they open their legs and I just dive right in!” He says, making his body into a diving human/lubed-giant dildo.
She laughs suddenly. He giggles.
“Yeah, the first time I did it I nearly suffocated!”
She laughs again, imagining.
“The third time I did it, I nearly drowned!”
“Oh my!!!” She busts up laughing.
They laugh. The human-male starts petting the alpha-kitty’s neck. The alpha-kitty craned it’s neck, and then puts her chin down as he pets the side of her face. When he stops the alpha-kitty just leaves her head down, off the couch. She stays like that for a moment.
“Is she okay?” The female-human asks.
“Yeah, she’s just stoned, I think. I was just petting her and she just left her head like that.”
The alpha-kitty snaps out of it, and looks back at the female-human who “coos” at her, and pets her.
The humans got up. The alpha-kitty went to the opposite side of the couch and lays on her back. She spaces out for fifteen-minutes. An hour later at dinner, she begs for food. She’s given chicken by the female-human, and runs around the house excited for five minutes. The humans smoke again. The alpha-kitty sits strategically. She sniffs at the smoke. She has no idea of too much. She lays on the couch upside down, and is petted by the male-human. She rolls around coquettishly and almost falls off the couch. A spastic flip over, nails, and the male-human’s large hand saves her from falling.
“Careful, Mishy.” The female-human says.
The alpha-kitty goes to her kitty condo by the window and lounges. The male-human takes his camera phone and takes a picture of her. She opens her eyes when he does. She knows he knows. He knows she knows.
